I am not in a good place today. Once a month, one day a year, a 24-36 hour period and I am pure hormones. Every little thing makes me tear up, or get angry, or harp on bitterness. It’s totally unhealthy and I shouldn’t leave the house on days like this. Usually it starts in the evening and carries on till the next day. I just can’t deal well with reality during this time and I blow things entirely out of proportion. Scary right?
Driving home, the sunset was so beautiful that I cried. I cried because I was watching it alone. I cried because I literally hurt from lack of physical contact. A hug, an arm to snuggle under, lips. It aches.
I got home and I totally lost it, knowing that my friend was being brave for her daughter while they both had to say goodbye to a man that made them a family again. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her daughter look at her dad the way she looked at him and their connection made me so happy for all of them. It also brought back the raw intensity of saying goodbye at an airport but I’m excited that she has days to count down, that she knows when she gets to see her love again. (92 days is NOTHING.)
I’m sitting here now wiping away tears, with a painful lump in my throat just writing this. Which tells me that I probably shouldn’t even have this page open.
So.
That’s all there is today. Let’s hope that I don’t need any tissues tomorrow. Back to curling up with Law and Order SVU.
Awww. I’m sorry honey. I hate feeling that way. Also? I would literally DIE without physical contact. I went through a really rough period in my marriage where I was not given any physical love, other than from my dogs and my daughter, and seriously, it ached. *hugs* to you.
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The picture of the sky is beautiful.
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*HUG* I am sorry I made you cry! Every goodbye has been hard, but today was by far the hardest. I have never seen my daughter cry whole heartedly because she would miss someone. He wrote her a letter (like he writes for me). She cried while I read it, hugging the stuffed Timmy he gave her. She took the letter to bed and won’t let it go. He gave us the family weekend I have always wanted and I wish 92 days would go even faster so that we could have it all over again.
Sunsets are that much more beautiful when you have your honey to share it with. For now we can share them together while we miss our wonderful men.
xo
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There are times when being out here reminds us (well, me anyway) that we can’t be all things for all people. If I thought that wishing you a HUG would do any good – if it would REALLY do ANY good – I would fill this whole page with HUGS for you. All I can say is I’m sorry you’re alone on a day when you shouldn’t be. And I would hug you if I could.
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Yeah, I know that feeling. I’ve been all extra hormonal-ly these last few days, and I picked a fight with the man just the other day and realized JUST THIS MORNING that it probably wasn’t him, it was me.
and I hope you get to see your sweetie soon. *hugs*
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I like to call them Whoremones.
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