I’m famous, in my own head, for constantly feeling like I have shit figured out. This is usually during a high time in my life, when I’m deliriously happy, or at least fooling myself into thinking so, and then I sit here and brag about how good I have it.
Sometimes I’m an idiot.
With each year that passes, I’m becoming more and more aware of my surroundings, who I chose to allow in them, and how I chose to exert myself in certain situations.
A year ago, I thought I was happy. I was, on a lot of levels. On others, I was completely fooling myself into believing certain things. Things I thought would have a different ending. Things I believed deserved a different, better ending. And today, when I look back, I want to point and laugh at myself as much as I want to shield myself from the pain I would eventually have, mostly at my own hand. I trusted and I got burned by it. It happens. And because, while I tend to hate the general public, I have an optimistic outlook on the people I do trust, the people I do chose to consider friends, I will likely get burned again.
But each wound heals and with it comes another lesson learned. Believe me, I hold fast to these lessons and I’m so proud of myself because I can honestly say that I’ve learned a LOT this last year.[As hard as you try to keep something the same, its change is inevitable. Adapting to that change is your responsibility alone, good or bad.] [You should never have to do all the work to maintain a relationship, even more so when it's a friendship. It's hard to think the very best of someone and then have them turn around and let you down. But you'll survive.] [Sometimes you will find people in completely unexpected places, that will turn around and change your life, like twitter. Or facebook chat.] [If you're smart about it, you can allow your life to change.] [Patience. Inevitability. Realistic expectations. That some people are so NOT what they seem to be and that we are all allowed a little bit of scandal here and there. ]
My 27th year was a good one. I’ve watched my son grow into his own more and more every day. I got the chance to fall in love again, and to have a first kiss. I got to see Chicago, and New York and I got to see both places with people that I love. I’ve gotten to dance, and laugh, and cry, and experience so much joy in so many different forms and I’ve gotten picked by some pretty amazing people who call me their friend.
As I start my 28th year, I’m happy. I’m excited for it, for my life despite my slight struggles. The good in my life far, FAR outweighs the bad. My love will be here in 20 days to be with me for a whole week. To meet my parents, my best friends and their kids, and most importantly, to surprise my son who’s been saying how tired he is of “only seeing him on the computer”. Little does he know… I’ve got plans on my calender with people I care deeply for and a trip to NY to plan and memories on top of memories to make.
And I? Am totally ready for all of it.
Let’s see what 28 has to teach me.
“Cheers Big Ears!”