The One About the Mommy Wars
October 15, 2009 by Miss
I’ve been repeating in my head, over and over, “stay out of it. Just stay out of it. Leave it alone. It’s not your fight.” I’ve tried biting my tongue. But damn it, that shit hurts after awhile and I have to say something.
Seriously parents? We need to stop fighting each other.
Moms, I’m looking at you specifically. (Is there daddy blogging drama? Is that like a whole other world I’m not aware of because I don’t have a penis? Or do they just get along BECAUSE they have a penis? I’m not sure.)
Anyways. So this weeks battle is Stay at home moms vs working moms. Oh, but not working moms who don’t have a choice, who NEED their jobs to support their kids. Those bitches be ok. No, this is the working moms who work because they want to. These are the moms who have no problem abandoning their children for jobs.
Did I get that right? I sure hope so.
Please tell me that my readers, my friends, are intelligent enough to see that this is total bullshit right? I mean, this is creating a fight when there isn’t a fight to be had. This is one person’s ignorant opinion, someone who feels they have the right to judge other people with no remorse. And then they get to go on TV for it. And then a bunch of people watch it and say that this person is sticking up for stay at home moms. Uh, what? No. That is not what is happening. At all.
This is an attack. Just an attack to attack and to have fun attacking.
Because that is what some people do. They enjoy the short lived, attention seeking need that is fulfilled by people tweeting about it and writing posts about it. *ahem* They pull the “you don’t have to agree with me card” with an air of superiority and flit on to the next thing they want to poke with a stick.
When is this going to end? It’s hard enough being a parent. Why must we attack each others decisions in life when it comes to raising our kids, or making choices that are going to effect them? Who the hell do we think we are to pass judgement on each other?
It. Needs. To. Stop.
We need to stop acting like the opinions of people who live their life making money off of their hate, is important to any of us. Because it isn’t. But the fall out of these words are.
I work full time. I work full time because I have to. My job is my income. 100%. I receive no money from my son’s dad, as that is our agreement right now. And it should be because we co-parent 100% of the time. I make no money off of this blog with the ONE exception of the SexIs ad, that of which I received a one time payment for having it up for a couple of months. I don’t run ads and I don’t write paid reviews. I don’t work for any other online publications. My 8-4:30 job is my income.
Would I like to stay home? Hell yes I would. But obviously I can’t. Oh, but I don’t fall into this catagory of working moms that we are mad at do I?
Let’s examine that working mom we are supposed to hate shall we? She’s probably married otherwise how else would she be able to work without needing to? Work is her hobby? She decided to leave her kids with a babysitter, or in daycare so that she can pursue a career.
*gasp* How selfish!
No. No, no, no. If she wants to work, then that is HER choice. I especially support that if her kids are in school. One of my close blogging friends has been itching to get back to work and if she did that tomorrow, she would have to put one of her kids in daycare. Does that bother her? A little. What bothers her more is the fact that she is crawling out of her skin a bit to get out and DO something. “Oh but isn’t being a good wife and mother enough?” Fuck that noise. It might be for some, but it doesn’t have to be for all. Some people are programed that way. Should we punish them and bash them in an open forum?
No. Never. Because we are human beings and we should treat each other with respect.
But how easily do we forget that? When we have all the free space to run our mouths, we often forget to be decent with each other.
In the case of my friend, I think it would make her an even better mother and wife and person to be able to do something she enjoys. For some of us, going home after a long day at work is how we unwind. For others, that might be GOING to do work that they enjoy.
We certainly should not judge one another for it.
I often wonder what goes through the minds of people who openly judge other people for choosing to work. I try and define what their definition of a working mom is. Is it someone who goes to an office type setting, somewhere that requires them to leave the house for a set amount of time, earning money for the services they perform?
Then what, someone please explain, is the job description of the stay at home mom who is constantly on twitter? Or maybe at a different conference every other weekend? How about filling their days with blogging events, meet ups, running contests, promoting this, that or the other? Is that not work? Your children are home with you? Are they going out for martini’s at that meet-up in the city? What are your kids doing while you are doing this work? Do you consider yourself a working mom? Would you hire a nanny or the like to give yourself free time to do this kind of stuff?
(FYI, I happen to know and love a lot of people who live and work like this. I respect them. I’m just curious what they consider themselves in this so called battle.)
I have no idea why some people work. Honestly, I don’t really care. Unless you’re going to share some of that cash money with me, I don’t give a shit. Do what you have to do people.
Just stop being so fucking mean to each other.
Bitches, I swear. This is why it’s proven that in any capacity, women cannot get along. Isn’t it time to end that? We won’t because some people still like to be the Mean Girls. The Internet to them is just a solid reminder of how they peaked in high school and now have another way to attack those they see as weak.
We ought to seriously consider putting a stop to it.
But then what would we have to write about?
I fucking love you, beesh.
I love you even more after reading this.
Some bitches think because they have the internet at their fingertips they can run their skanky mouth (or fingers) and type nonsense.
As soon as Natalie starts school, Im heading out to pursue one of my passions!
Damn skippy.
PS. I’m *so* a WAHM and I wish I had the mental stamina to be employed outside of the home, because I think it would make me, and therefore us, happier as a family. But, alas, I work when she sleeps or is at preschool, or with her dad, or sometimes, watching Dora.
And I did the whole “on Twitter all day” thing while my independent kid was here and looked at it exactly like you sort of touched on - I wasn’t a SAHM at that point, I was working, and she shouldn’t have been around for it, getting ignored. So now, I’ve cut back and honestly, my traffic and income has suffered for it. But at least I feel more in line with some priorities.
Down with hate amongst uteruses!
Uterii?
Heh. The wonders of the women’s movement. Here we are conflicted on who we should be as women. The SAHM. The WAHM. The SAWM. Who is right? Who is wrong? NO ONE! To each their own and the only person a woman needs to answer to is her family NOT other women. My guess is we lash out because we believe the grass is greener. Instead of lashing out at each other why don’t we spend that energy on supporting each other’s quest for balance and happiness?
FYI … for those that don’t know me … I am a SAWM/WAHM. I was unfortunately the breadwinner in my miserable marriage. Would I prefer to be a SAHM … HELL YEAH! Would I be content being a house wife and mom … HELL YEAH! But, you can bet your bottom dollar I will be filling my time with something creative and stimulating because I am not one to spend my down time watching mid day soaps and trashy talk shows like Dr. Phil.
Great post. I missed the drama, other than hearing that there was some, but eeesh.
Rock on, Miss!
Well said. Bloggy drama is silly when it involves attacking someone else for lifestyle. It’s the Internet, just go somewhere else, no one is forcing you to read anything. Also just because you can comment doesn’t mean the author is asking for it. Sillyness.
and go Dodgers!
This spoke volumes to me and I don’t even know what the drama is/was.
I was one of those mom’s who worked because I wanted to. As you know I have three children and that was my break, my hobby, my enjoyment, my time to myself. I am not a SAHM. If I could find something to be a WAHM I would but I have not found it yet. I hated hearing (even from the nanny I was paying to watch my children) WHY do you work? Don’t you love your children? UGH! Because I chose to work I don’t love my children. BULLSHIT. I chose to work so that we could have the extra income to be able to do nice things with the kids and for the kids. Put money away for them so that they can go to college.
I also chose to work to because I wanted to. Plain and simple. I have nothing against working moms or SAHM or WAHM. I am now a SAHM because of many reasons and although I enjoy being with my children, I would prefer to work.
Of course, everyone here is right; you rock! Love you!
I am so happy I missed all this drama.. I will never, ever understand why some people go out of there way to spread hurt.
Yeah…I’m glad I missed it. But. If I had an opinion, why can’t women just be happy for other women? Why is there no solidarity? We attack because you stay at home, because you work, because you have a nanny, because you spank…or DON’T spank..WTF, man?! You’re right. Just stop it. Please. (Before I punch a bitch in the face and perpetuate the hate…LOL)
I just spent the weekend at a local blogging conference. I presented along with podcasters from the GLBRI community, sports bloggers, political bloggers, the beer guys, moms, dads, college kids, single people. A mommy blogger in the middle of a sea of very different people. Yet, I heard not one single word directed towards anyone that was anything even remotely resembling insulting. It was nothing but supportive everywhere you looked. There were disagreements, absolutely, but the disagreements were intellectual debates, not jealousy-fueled personal attacks.
Why can’t we get a room full of moms to behave like that?
What else would we have to write about? Um, we could make lists of the top 10 celebrities we’d like to have sex with, talk about the underpants we’re currently wearing or that one time, in high school, with that thing…you know…
Dude, ANYTHING but women arguing with people/companies on the fucking Internet. I don’t ever express an opinion on this shit online simply because the whole damn thing sickens me. I don’t hate Motrin. Or Nestle. Or Deuce. And I work. So there.
Any my underpants? Have cute little polka-dots on them. Thanks.
*yawn* this drama is so 2005. seriously.
When my kids were younger I stayed at home by choice, when they were both well ensconced at school I went to work outside our home. Now, I’m home full-time again cuz our economy sucks. Except for the latest job related fiasco, these were my choices. I resented being told ‘this or that’ was wrong, so would never do that to another woman.
We should be supporting each other and not being bitchy, just to be bitchy.
Well said Miss!
I just went back to work, leaving my 2yr old and 8m old behind. I am blessed to not need daycare, and they are mostly with memebers of my family.
However, I don’t NEED to work. I guess. Maybe. Depends.
We can pay our bills without me working.
However…we don’t have insurance and rely on the state for that.
So I’m back to work full time. And honestly? It makes me a better Mom when I am with them. I appreciate all the time I have with them more, and we cuddle and love on each other so much more often.
I works for my family. Why should anyone else care?
I’m sorry…but I think those words that were spoken on that Dr. Phil episode are a travesty. whatever…she can think that moms who work are shitty and shouldn’t have ever had children to begin with - - - but she should have kept that fucking opinion to herself. It just makes HER look BAD.
it’s exactly like you say: Because we are human beings and we should treat each other with respect.
Amen. And those who treat me badly? Go in the shit pile, which I ignore. So done!
I missed this post…because I was off being a selfish working mom and trying to figure out how to work my blogging hobby into my “new” life.
I don’t get the bashing either…I’ve been a SAHM - and if I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have found my way into the blogging community, an amazing space and world that I would have never, ever discovered. So for that, and certainly for the quality time that I had with my kids, I will never, ever regret stepping out of the working out of the home world. I never thought I would EVER be a SAHM, but I did, and I did it for almost 5 years. It was a choice, and I was very lucky to have that choice.
But the decision to go back to work, while pulling me in all sorts of directions, was the right one. The SAHM isn’t for everyone - and I ultimatey decided that it wasn’t for me anymore. I think the bitching at my husband every night about the trials of the day with the kids, well, that was an indication right there that the time was right. And the feeling of independence, of not having to rely on the one income, for me it’s boosted my self-confidence back to the level where it used to be. I feel a lot more complete. But that’s me.
I agree with you 100%… we should support our sisters with whatever choices, decisions, lifestyles that they find themselves in. Glad to have you in my corner :).
Amen! It is all ridiculous! I thought about devoting NaBloPoMo to all the things that mommydrama is stirred up over. I would make some besties and some would hate me right! There is SO much judgement. Just be nice! All us moms need a hug!
BTW I am lucky to be able to SAH but I miss work every day. I chose to be at home with my kids and I know I am lucky to have this choice….but I TOTALLY get having to work and I TOTALLY get wanting to work. All is cool with me!