July 7, 2010 by Miss

I want somebody to sleep with the rest of my life and cuddle up during a movie on a couch. Stay up all night talking about nothing. Get lost in the woods together. Challenge me, challenge him. Talk about dreams, make dreams. Have fights, the kind that only really matter just as long as you’re having them.Someone I can wrestle with, you know, play hard sometimes and not worry about breaking a nail or an arm. A guy who will bring me flowers, once in a while, maybe a rock too or a shell of some sort. Something he saw that made him think of me, made him think “this might make my girl smile” as he smiles to himself. A guy who wants me, maybe even needs me, just a little, enough to hold onto me with everything he’s got.

Believe it or not, I’ve got that guy. I’ve even got the rock he sent me, the one he found on the beach that sparkles in the light, that reminds me of his smile. It sits on my bedside table.

He just had a birthday. While I didn’t get to blog on that day and wish him a happy here*, I was doing my best to celebrate with him from far away. No one ever tells you this, but long distance relationships are hard. They are even harder on holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays. Those are the days when each mile hurts more than the last.

Regardless, pretty soon we won’t have to be spending those days, or any days apart. We’ll do his birthday up right with pirates, a trip to Red Lobster or anywhere he’s craving, and all the birthday kisses he has every right to ask for.

Because it’s his birthday, and he’ll eat lobster if he wants to.

He’ll probably roll his eyes at me picking these two pictures but they are my favorites of him from his trip here in April. Probably because his face gives away exactly what he’s thinking at the moment I took the pictures.

Happy Birthday sweetie… Here’s to the rest of them, together!

*I’m only late on this due to computer issues. And lack of memory of how to log in to my blog without being on my own computer. Plus I’ve been wallowing in self pity because I miss my laptop so badly. My laptop knows me. Hopefully it comes home soon in working order.

June 17, 2010 by Miss

Had you asked me a year ago if I would have been able to see myself where I am today, I would have probably said no.

This is our day, this is what we have chosen. We’ve made each other better people, we’ve grown so much. Is it perfect? Is anything? It’s our idea of perfection, flaws and all.

Respect, gratitude, honesty, and love make 2,830 miles seem like nothing.

He makes every one of my days better.

The two of us together, we can do anything…

<#

May 17, 2010 by Miss

Exactly a month ago, I was dropping him off at LAX. I think that was worse for me than the day he took me to La Guardia to catch my flight home, back in October. I cried from the minute I walked out of that terminal until Nic calmed me down a bit on the drive home. It was halfway home that I realized it was our 10 month anniversary.

When we talked about it later, he reminded me that we had celebrated the entire week leading up to that day because we got to spend all that time together.

This long distance stuff is hard. It creates this achy feeling in the middle of your chest that you just can’t soothe away. What makes it worse, what makes the ache deeper, is spending amazing weeks together where you can’t help but sit back in awe as you watch your son, your parents, and your best friends enjoy him being here too. It’s absolutely amazing to watch.

Having him here with me made me realize something. I want to see this world with him next to me.

There isn’t much more to it than that.

Happy 11 months sweetie. <#

April 9, 2010 by Miss

I think it’s safe to say that this blog, it suffers. It clearly is lacking in oh, I don’t know, CONTENT. Not to say I haven’t thought about writing, I have. It’s just at times, I don’t consider myself a writer. I struggle with taking a simple situation and turning it into a post. I need to flex those muscles more, clearly.

Things in my life right now, they feel good. I laugh a lot. I’m able to brush away those annoying gnat like feelings that areas of the internet give me, most of the time. The urge to point fingers and call names lowers when you don’t want to bring people down with you. When you have happy, you want to see happy and celebrate it, evoke it.

I’ve got a whole week of the happy starting today, with his arrival. My son doesn’t know and we can’t wait to surprise him. We have a week full of the luxury of being together, the hand holding, the kisses, the love. It’s something so cherished when you’re in a relationship like ours and when it’s in my life full time, I won’t ever take advantage of that. Knowing how it feels to miss out on waking up next to the person you love, well it teaches you something.

Whatever nerves mingling with the excitement that is running through my veins right now will soon be gone. I’ll be ready to expose those little things that aren’t talked about in normal conversation, like how I hang my bras from my dresser knob, or that I really don’t like to dust and you can see it. I won’t even get started on my driving.

Either way, I know that I can say with confidence, that he will accept all these things and most likely not even think anything of them. That simple fact means the world to me and fills me full of hope and understanding that this is my path. I’m not alone walking it and that feels pretty damn good.

Just like Ronald Regan told Nancy on their 20th wedding anniversary… “I’ve gotten very used to being happy…”

… and I love him very much indeed.

November 19, 2009 by Miss

… somewhere only we know.

November 13, 2009 by Miss

I’m not surprised, not everything lasts. I’ve broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track.

If you’ve followed my blog, you know I’ve been through it. Set myself up to get hurt, feel like I have no hope left. I tried so many different paths. Hmm too young. A little too old. We met in a bar? No way. Married? Let’s not go down there. Issues clearer than a clean window? Pass.

I might have to wait, I’ll never give up. I guess it’s half timing and the other half luck.

Sigh. This is tough. How about I just give it up? Stop searching… So much of a hassle anyways, getting to know someone all over again. Hope they like me for me. Pray they “get” me. YAWN. I’m a working mom, I don’t have the time! So, no more. For now.

Wherever you are, whenever it’s right, You come out of nowhere and into my life.

“I followed you because I have the same head rest covers in my car, except mine are Mets and I thought it was cool that a hot chick had them too” (Thanks honey.) We talked again a few weeks later when Deathcab’s album The Open Door was being released. We had both pre-ordered it. We talked about different bands that we liked and found that a LOT of them matched. He wanted to know if I had AIM. I laughed because who has AIM still? I mean, really. I told him that since it was in fact 2009, I had google talk and we could chat on that. So he downloaded it. And only protested about it once.

Then it was every day, even if it was only for a few minutes. He made me laugh. He asked for my phone number. I was standing outside at my friend’s house and I was blushing as I typed it to him. The first time we talked, I fell for his NY accent. It made me giggle and made my heart jump into my throat.

And I know that we can be so amazing.

We are.

And baby your love is gonna change me.

It has.

They say that all’s fair in love and war. But I won’t need to fight it. We’ll get it right and we’ll be united.

Someday I know it will all turn out. You’ll make me work so we can work to work it out.

It all turned out. We work. We work at the things that come between us and we feel better once we talk about them. I could fill pages and pages of the things that bring us together or the way he makes my heart swell with love and pride and happiness and hope.

So lucky. So happy. You really ought to get some.

Now I can see every single possibility…

Oh and I just recently downloaded AIM. Sometimes he still likes it better. Compromise.

November 3, 2009 by Miss

2,830 miles.

Its equivalent to driving to work and back home  28 and a half days.

Or going to visit Nic 14 times.

44 hours of travel time.

Which is odd because our “number” is 446. Why? We were both born at the exact same time, except him in the morning and me in the afternoon, and on different days of course. But still. Down to the minute? Eerie.

Those miles. They intimidate me. I am constantly questioning myself, asking if I am capable of withstanding them, if I am worthy enough for someone else to help me close that gap.

Then he tells me that he will take any risks necessary to be with me.  That we can overcome any obstacle together, even if it is 3,000 miles long.

That every time he looks at me, he falls in love again.

When I hear that, I can’t help but think that 2,830 miles, that 44 hours between us just isn’t that far at all actually.

October 8, 2009 by Miss

It was Tuesday morning. I was sitting at gate A3 in New York’s La Guardia airport when I first read about Kim’s Gratitude project. I had just been thinking, for 5 days straight, how lucky and blessed I was and how my life had taken such a turn in ways I forgot existed. I couldn’t help but think that I had every reason in the world to follow in Kim’s footsteps and take on this project as well.

So here is Day 1.

There is no shame in being happy, no fault in embracing love and being thankful for it. There will always be bitter people out there, those who feel like victims, or don’t want to accept love for what it is, even those who don’t think they CAN love. I’ve chose to not live my life like that. I feel that love, and happiness, and joy can help shape who we can be if we just let it. Of course there are bad moments. Of course it’s easy to be cynical (this is me we are talking about) and sometimes cynicism can be fun (see, told you it was me here). Am I gloating because I’ve been lucky enough to find all of this again? You bet your sweet ass I am. Does it feel easy? Does it feel right? How can I know for sure?

I don’t. But it feels perfect. I feel happy. I know I’m loved and the best part is, none of it so far has really been work. It felt like every moment of my visit in New York that would hit me at the most random times just felt right. The constant phrase running a loop through my head? “Oh. This is how it should be.”

I’d forgotten. Then again, maybe I never really knew it.

I’m so grateful. I’m not doubtful. And you can guarantee that I’m not taking a minute of this for granted.

My daily Gratitude posts wont be here everyday.
I’ll space them out between tumblr and dailybooth too. Hopefully you’ll join me.