When learning what year I was born…

“Wow mom! You’re old! But thats ok, you have a long life to live.

Well thank goodness.

~

Not only does he attempt to bring the jokes, he sometimes attempts slapstick physical comedy. Like tripping on purpose, over exaggerating moves, etc. So we’re at Disneyland and we had just met up with Nic and her family in Toontown. He had just posed for this picture:

See those “poles”? Obviously some are rubber and others…. aren’t. They are metal.

Well genius son of mine thought he was being funny and all I hear is *THUNK* with a sort of echo noise.

Yup. He slammed his head against the metal pole, thinking it was a rubber one. He stumbled back, shook his head, and said “oh oww. That hurt.” Then he laughed. HE. LAUGHED.

Add this to slamming his head onto a table and a metal garage door.

The knot was quite impressive the next day.

~

Parenting Pro Tip – Don’t let your kids use knives to open otter pops.

Now I have to say that he wasn’t in my care when this happened. He was with his grandma (not MY mom). His grandma, the NURSE. The details provided to me are hazy. Except he just advised Anthony on skype that the knife was THIS BIG. (Think bigger than my head.)(I’m hoping that was an exaggeration.) Most importantly, he didn’t need stitches.

He did however, really enjoy the plastic bag I had to put over his hand to take a shower.

Hey you can see the shadow of the knot here. Nice.

Yeah, he found the bag hysterical.

Boys. I don’t know how I’ve made it this far. They are CRAZY.

Talking about *shudder* girlfriends… [TOO YOUNG! TOO YOUNG! IN DENIAL!]

“I really like Ava.”

“I thought you said your girlfriend was named Lexi”

“Mom, I have a lot of girlfriends.”

“Um, how many is a lot?”

“15!!”

… *blink*

“Wow. You’re busy.”

“I REALLY am!!”

~

He’s reviewing his United States Flash Cards and educating me.

“Mom, California is the Golden State.”

“Why is it called that?”

“Because California is the Captain of the U.S.”

Hear that? His words, not mine.

“Florida is the sunshine state. Because it’s the brightest.”

The people? Or the weather?

“Montana is the treasure state. Because it’s full of treasure.”

This is simple logic people, try to keep up.

“What about New York?”

“Well mom, New York is the Empire State.”

“Why?”

“Because they make action movies, like Star Wars there.”

[I'm SO not explaining that. If you don't get it, you probably shouldn't be here.]

“Also, the state flower is the Rose. Which we obviously copied.”

Because no other state should have roses in it, only New York.

~

Calling me from his new cell phone. I’m almost off work, headed to pick him up…

“Mom! When you leave work, just go! No texting. And no twitter. I know your hobbies!”

Damn. My own kid called me out. Too bad I’m not teaching him how to twitter with his new phone. SUCKER.

~

As I’m driving to pick him up, I get another call…

“Mom! I want to go play at the school!”

“Who’s going to watch you?”

“I dunno, there’s people there but I don’t know them.”

“You think I’m going to let strangers watch you?!”

“My dad does.”

FAB-U-LOUS

Thought I would share this quick video of him using his birthday present/reason for future ER visits. If he isn’t acting like this, he’s being a little asshole.

[vimeo=http://www.vimeo.com/3479961]

That’s my baby. Wait. No. He’s not a baby anymore. On Saturday, he’ll be 8. Sigh. Eight. It’s hard to wrap my mind around. I was 18 when he was born and I felt like I knew nothing about life. 8 years have gone by and some days I feel the same. But. I have this little boy who is rushing to be a man and I am not sure how to slow that down. Even though, just now, I had to remind him not to put money in his mouth. And then I had to smack him for pretending to choke on that money. Sigh.

What can I say? The kid has the ability to make my heart swell to the point of bursting and less than five minutes later, I feel like wringing his neck. It takes a special talent to do such things. See because sometimes, he stops being a brat for five seconds, and he grabs me by the hand, and he makes me dance.

[vimeo=http://www.vimeo.com/3480762]

And when he lays down next to me, and asks to snuggle, as I hear his breathing get heavy, I can’t help but think about how much love I have for him.

Eight.

Sigh.

I don’t write about my kid much. I don’t know why. More than likely, its that whole bad parent thing I suffer from. Anyways…. he’s seven, so he never shuts up. Like, rarely ever. And sometimes, funny stuff comes out of his pie hole.

So enjoy the kid-isms.

~

Opening a piece of “Super Bubble” bubble gum…

“Mom, have you ever tasted this?”

“Yes son… when I was young like you are”

“Know what? When I was 1 years old, I saw on TV that this Super Bubble Bubble Gum is the most popular gum in the world. And it’s made in China. You didn’t see it because you were at work.”

Interesting. At 1 years old, he’s watching news reports about gum. Should I blame his father?

~

Driving down the freeway, a car like mine passes us…

“Oh Mom! Should I be in that car? Hahahaha……” wait for it…. “I bet it’s cleaner.”

AWESOME.

~

And last but certainly not least…

“Mom… why do we need Santa Clause? Like why does he come?”

“To bring presents to good kids.”

“So…. he’s probably not coming here huh?”

At least the kid is honest.