So I have this problem. I’m not afraid to talk about it here, since we’re all friends right? I’m not ashamed of my addiction and I guess that’s part of why I’m blogging about it.

I’m addicted to my phone.

It happens, you know? Before, it wasn’t so bad. But see last year, I had jury duty and while I was stuck in an LA courtroom for a week and a half, I didn’t have much to do other than text. Text friends, text twitter updates, DM (which also count as text messages.) When I got my bill after that, I had gone over my text limit by 500 text messages.

Look, I’m not proud of that. I fixed it by getting unlimited text messaging on my phone so I wouldn’t feel that shame again. Looking at my last bill, I had about 2,000+ text messages. I don’t talk on the phone much ok? It’s either text or gchat. The most talking on the phone I do is to New York and he’s on my Friends and Family plan. Thank you Verizon.

It’s obvious I have a problem. I noticed it when all my son ever seems to say is that “my mom loves to text.” I have three Twitter apps on my phone, just in case one doesn’t work. Same goes from browser apps. I have a sports score app. I have an app to look up movie times. I have two internet radio apps. I didn’t think it was that bad until I got home from Chicago. And in almost every picture of me, I have my phone in hand.

Such as. Oh and here. Yup. Phooooone.

Observe:

Phone in my right hand

See it?

In hand… I can’t even put it in my purse…

In hand again. Even a cheeseburger bag couldn’t stop me. Since I had other (yet not so bad) addicts with me, we coined a new phrase, “We need to go charge” and we would spend a good 30 minutes trying to recharge our phone batteries before heading back out for the night. When I went to the Suave party with Nic and Maria, I made them sit in the corner, near a plug, so that I could charge my phone. I wish I was joking.

In fact, I think I have it in hand here. Drink in one hand, phone in the other. It was plugged in here.

So needless to say, I’m a phone addict. A phone whore if you will. I love my Black Berry and have gotten in a few squabbles over it being better than the iPhone. Lets not get into it here though. *cough*blackberry’srule.iPhone’sdrool*cough* Truth be told, if I didn’t hate AT&T with the passion of a thousand suns, I might totally want an iPhone because dude, there is SO an app for that. An app for what you ask? An app for EVERYTHING. If Steve Jobs wasn’t a total idiot (obviously) he would have made that phone available to all carriers and then we wouldn’t even be having this conversation because everyone and their mothers would have iPhones. Except fingerprints on my screen still skeeve me out just a bit so that might be the only thing to stop me.

Anyways. Where did I just go there? Moving on… I’ve been jonesing over the new BlackBerry Tour. Like, major OMG I gotta have it swooning here. I even played with it at the Verizon store the other day and that sucker is SLEEK. I need one. In the worse way. What I don’t need is the price tag to go with it. I AM saving for my trip to New York in the fall and pennies are being pinched all the time anyways because, well, I don’t get paid nearly enough. So my lust, it must be put on the backburner.

For now.

BTW, I’m going on Tour with The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly Reviews.
Check it out eh?

That’s me. I am a slacker slash procrastinator like you wouldn’t believe.

You want proof? I was tagged for a meme.

By five separate bloggers.

Kim at Jogging in Circles, DaddyJoe at Daddy Dorkus, and Colleen at Mommy Always Wins all tagged me for that meme where you take a picture of yourself RIGHT NOW and post it. RedLotusMama THOUGHT about tagging me and was bummed that Colleen beat her too it. Also, the lovely Lolita of ModernMom.com tagged me this morning. What the hell did I do to piss off five people so much that they would be SO cruel to me?

WHATEVER. To all five of you.

Here goes:

How frightening. That’s what you get.

Everyone in the damn blogosphere has been tagged by now so I’m not tagging anyone for this.

*

Waaaay back at the beginning of December, my friend Lynette at My So Called Life did a little meme and asked if people would want to participate. I must have been high at the time and I volunteered. I have to list 10 of my favorite things but with a twist. They have to start with a certain letter. That she got to give me.

She gave me the letter P. She thinks she’s funny.

Oh and I’m only doing 5. BECAUSE. I. CAN.

1. Pockets - Think about it. Pockets are SO useful. Things most commonly found in my pockets: keys, my phone, a lighter, those Music Pick of The Week cards they give out at Starbucks, and my credit card. Don’t fucking lie, you know pockets are the shit.
2. Potato Soup – As my lovely girls know, I love me some creamy, thick…. soup. And potato is  pretty damn tasty. I prefer clam chowder, but that starts with a C, which would therefore defeat the purpose of this meme.
3. Pasadena - Specifically Colorado Blvd. Seriously? That street is the shit. It has soooo much good stuff on it. In-N-Out. Yang Chow’s. Lush. Ruth’s Chris (where *ahem* I am still yet to go. Do you know how badly I want to? DO YOU?). Target. Yogurt shops for days. It’s a pretty fucking awesome street. Boulevard? WTF I dunno. Honestly, the first place I’m looking for my apartment this year is in Pasadena. Then that place will be even that much MORE cool.
4. Panera - Honestly, what’s not to like? More soup, the Sierra Turkey sandwich on Asiago Bread which is just YUM and a half, and FREE Wireless Internet. I ask you again, what is not to like??
5. Penis - Now, Lynette knew I would go here. YOU must have known I was going to go here. I mean, would this list, written by me, be complete without me saying that penis is one of my favorite P things?? I know some people may not agree, but penis is just fabulous. There are so many things you can do with it. And so many things it can do for you! I really feel like a good penis is a gift that keeps on giving.

All you people who tagged me for that damn photo thing? CONSIDER THIS ME TAGGING YO ASS. Your letter? Whatever your first name starts with. Bitches.

*

Alright. Since I just said penis 4 (hey! Make that 5!) times in this post, let me show you what Colleen gave me! (Oh, go over there and check out her fab new layout.)

It’s a cute little lemonade stand! That I’m supposed to give to 10 people who have blogs that show attitude or gratitude. Honestly, I cant specifically pinpoint any of my friends who deserve this more than another. So if you leave me a comment on this ridiculous post, go ahead and nab this bad boy for your own blog. Because you are da shit.

*

One last thing… I honestly cannot believe that I’ve decided to do this. Peer pressure, it’s quite the bitch. I joined The Modern Mom Challenge for a Fantastic Year and a Fantastic Me. I know that I’m already pretty fucking fantastic, so really I’m just doing it to get a better looking ass. I’m not going to lie ok? If you want to feel better, look better, and just BE better this year, go join me. You set your own goals, your own deadlines, and meet new people and have fun with it at the same time. Nothing wrong with that right?

So I’m trying to cure my slacker skillz and catching up with things that were assigned to me. New Year, new me?

Why not.

Since today officially marks the start of my mandatory vacation from work, I thought I would write a little list of things I want to do while I am off work for 5 weeks.

• Sleep. Like, take naps if the urge hits me in the middle of the day.
• Get a hair cut.
• Take a lot of photos. I might head out to LA with a friend to get some shots that I couldn’t get when I was out there last.
• Read some books.
• Practice cooking. (ha. haha. hahahaha *cough*)
• Listen to and discover some music that is new to me.
• Attempt to do whatever I can to make this a good Christmas for my son even though cash is low.
• WRITE.
• Hit the gym. (I was serious before. Really.)
• Get laid. (OK. I’m still working on this. It’s a work in progress. Who knows what December will bring??)

So there it is. Doesn’t seem very aspiring right? You think you can do better??? Let me know if you have any ideas for me.

I’m feeling the strain of NaBloPoMo. But I’m not ready to give up yet. At least, I don’t think… maybe…. no…. hmm… no, not yet. Wait… naw.

I suppose I’ll keep on truckin’ till I cant truck no mores.

But I apologize ahead of time because this blog, this post more specifically, is about to get bo-ring.

Ooh Twilight comes out like next week. NEXT WEEK. Fucking squee. I. CANT. WAIT.

I think I need a haircut. Shit, I need a lot of maintenance right now. Haircut, nails, toes, eyebrows. But no money and certainly no time are restricting all of that right about now. Anyone wanna send me like 50 bucks to get a decent haircut? No? Ok… *sad*

So since I’ve recently been advised that I can edit my photos with Picnik through Flickr, I’m uh, kinda addicted. Yea. So much so that I want to start trying to do a 365. I KNOW. I am just setting myself up for failure but I figure I can use myself as a guinea pig to sharpen my photography and wannabe skillz. You can see the tagline, I’m good at some things and photography ain’t listed there.

Did you know that when I am getting ready for work, I need to have the TV on? Specifically tuned to Channel 5 morning news. I tell myself its for the weather and I know it used to be for the hot guy they had on there but he’s on nights now and I never watch at night. So I don’t know what my excuse is. I’ll just say that I like to be up on current events. Sure.

The holidays are coming. Bah. Bah, I say.

And I’m spent.

Having limited access to my computer tonight makes it really hard to write for NaBloPoMo.

Which is why my Crackberry has come to the rescue.

I would never say my laptop is becoming obsolete because the crackberry browser is shiiiit. Plus? Its fucking hard to write using these little tiny keys to put together a post. I’m used to 140 chars and I’m done. This shit is rediculous.
So yes, I’m officially out my fucking mind. Please tell me that you’ve done something more rediculous when it comes to technology and/or your blogging obsessions. Help me feel not so pathetic.

California supposedly has this new law for jury service which is One Day/One Trial. This basically means that you show up for your One Day. You sit in a room with lots of random people and you wait. They call “panels” throughout the day and if you get called, you go to a court room for selection. If you don’t get called for selection, you have served your One Day. If you do, this starts your One Trial. Get it? Got it? Good.

The Jury Room – In Numbers

Number of people talking to one another – 1 small row of 4 women

Number of people with headphones in* – 6

Number of people asleep – 8

Number of people with laptops* – 4

Number of people using the computers in here – 3

Number of people texting and or playing with their phone* -4

Number of people reading actual books – 14 (this number shocks me)

Number of people staring off into space – 6

Number of really creepy guys standing in the middle of the room looking at everyone – 1 (go away dude)

Number of people grading papers – 1

Number of guys who were looking over my shoulder at my laptop and then taking it upon themselves to talk Dodgers with me for 20 minutes – 1

Number of jury panels I’ve been skipped for -3 (by the time I got called, the number was up to 5)

Number of creepy people sitting in the corner staring at everyone and leaning over to see more people – 1 (uhh me)

Number of guys I’ve seen wearing Chucks, making me jealous and wishing I hadn’t worn boots -3

Number of people with hats on – 2 (really nice business attire guys)

Number of cute court clerks – 0 (I KNOW)

Number of times I saw one of the ugly clerks check out the little cute asian girl clerk – 1 (WHILE he was talking to everyone at the podium, she walked by. Dude, you need tact lessons)

Number of tastee-freez shirts – 1 (awesome shirt bro)

Number of times I rolled my eyes – countless

Number of tweets I’ve sent/made today – 13 (its early still)

Number of books I bought at lunch – 3

Number of hours to go – 2, maybe 3.

Number of people who offered to buy me lunch – 1 (of COURSE it was someone at work. I think he did it because he knew I was stuck here. ASS)

Number of chest pains – 1 (right now. Oww)

Number of guys wearing a suit but having a mohawk and LOTS of tattoos, particularly one that is on his NECK – 1 (Corporate man FAIL)

Number of times I thought I was sneaking in my phone when in fact phones are allowed here – 1

Number of times I felt stupid – 1 (Phones with cameras aren’t allowed in all the OTHER courts I’ve been to)

Number of people who have fallen asleep while I was writing this post – 3

Number of people who fell asleep READING this post – Dunno, lots probably.

Number of times I cursed myself for being a good citizen – 103 wait no…. 107

Number of guys who have ears like mine – 1 (We will not be making babies dude. Sorry)

Number of times cute, kinda scruffy, collar wearing, book reading cutie wearing Chucks caught me looking at him – 1 (so far)(I think he’s gay, for serious. I mean, hello!)

Number of times I’ve silently thanked Jim for telling me I could bring my beloved laptop with me – Probably about a million

The (*) are things that apply to me BTW.

Quiet Observations

No matter how much I tried to “ugly” myself up today, there are a lot of people worse off then me. Geez… mirrors come standard in most bathrooms right?

Cramming 18 people in an elevator. Not a good time actually.

I’m learning that I have a severe problem with men’s footwear. Especially fancy footwear. Paired with socks. Which ok, what else are you going to wear them with? I DON’T KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT. It just looks awkward.

I had really hoped there would be more eye candy here. Good thing I have the internet and a hot guy on my iPod.

I really don’t think that jury selection is done at random. Because I see no crack heads here. Ooooh wait. Crack heads drive without licenses and don’t vote (Hopefully. Gawd)

DOOD! Crazy random guy who’s been standing in the middle of the room all day is STILL standing there. I wonder if he’s waiting for a computer. Either way, creepsville.

It’s only MY luck that I get called for a panel a half hour before my One Day was supposed to be over.

I wrote this on Wednesday while I was waiting for the day to be over. I did get selected for a panel and as of right now (Thursday night) I am still waiting to see if I am going to be on this jury or not. So I’m going on Day 3 of jury duty.

To be continued…

I’m random.

And I’ve heard that I’m “so, so weird” but that was a compliment coming from Maria.

Aren’t those two lines the perfect segue to a post filled with bullets?

That’s what I thought.

• So the hamster, in her new pimpin cage? Driving me fucking nuts. Seriously. She NEVER ran in her wheel thingy in the old cage. Now? It’s like she’s training for a fucking marathon. Runs every single night/early morning. Like in the hours between 2 and 4 am early. When she is feeling particularly bitchy, she runs in it about an hour before my alarm goes off. How does she KNOW?? And why, WHY does she poop in there? Too motivated to stop running and go potty? Biatch. One thing though, she’s getting mega strong. Like Hulk Hamster strong.

• The kid asked me to buy him a game for the computer. He wanted the second grade version of some Leapfrog type game, which they didn’t have. The only alternative was a 1st-3rd grade game that was similar. And also $30 bucks. And mommy already had her two awesome winter sweaters in her cart. Which were also $30 bucks. Hmmm… mom gets two new sweaters or kid gets educational game that hogs mommy’s laptop… Well… We settled on Grand Theft Auto Vice City. Which was on clearance for $4 bucks. Carjacking is ok at 7 years old. DON’T JUDGE ME. I’m teaching him right from wrong here.
• The future of this country scares the shit out of me. Did you know that stupid people get to vote? We are fucking doomed.
• But! Its over soon! And then everyone will go back to normal and not give a shit about politics anymore, like they have for the past 8 years! Yippee!!
• Oh! I totally got my package of bloggy swapping swag. Ashley had me. (well… not yet. I mean, she did pull my name for the swap. But… yea, anyways) She totally hooked it up. Got me some books (yay nerdage), a really fucking sweet bag that has like pouches, which I totally assume are intended for wine bottles and/or multiple beer bottles, some really cool post its, and really awesome Drink Name Tags which say things like “Hello My Name is: Out of your League” and “Hello My Name is: Whatever you want it to be” and “Hello My name is: Wanna fuck” which, come to think of it, means Ash thinks I’m either totally awesome or a total slut. Ehh. Either works. Oh and Embarrassing Prank Envelopes which include an envelope from The Compulsive Masturbation Assistance Group, Sheep Lovers International, and The Low Life Rat Bastards Association. Bwa. (Horrible google searches, BRING IT ON) Last thing that was included was a home made voodoo doll. Which? Ash? This could NOT have come at a better time. I know just the sweet, loving, caring, bitchy bitcherson I could use this on. *muah* I love you long time.
• Now…. where to get a lock of hair for the voodoo doll….
• Thank GAWD for full Episode streaming. I always miss Heroes. Ok well, the last two weeks anyways. OK last night, I was totally distracted for good reason. But catching up online is freakin’ sweet.
• I have to go. I think I’ve allowed NBC enough time to load the episode I’m gonna watch.
• One more for the road…. *ribbit* (That’s like 7…8 maybe? I’m losing count)

to the rotten, no good, frustrating, tears prickling at the corners of my eyes, pissy fucking day I’m having:

Go home (see how this is imaginary?)

Take off shoes and pants.

My gorgeous, loving, adoring man (see? imaginary) already has my beer open and something cooking so the house smells incredible. Or ooooh even better, he’s grilling. A nice big fucking T-Bone.  Or some like minded piece of meat.

He knows that there is a good 15-20 minutes till the steak is done and he’s also got the kid(s?) occupied with something so he gives me the eyes. Hell yea, bathroom quickie, lets DO this. Stress is being relieved.

15-20 minutes later, I’m back on the patio, second beer in hand, very relaxing smoke in the other (the kids are eating INSIDE, eager to get back to whatever was distracting them before)(I’m an imaginary good mother ok?), tunes are going, conversation is flowing, work vents are being made on both parts, relaxation is setting in.

And look at that, the sun is setting, the fucking birds are singing and I just got laid.

And now I’m going to eat a fucking steak.

and then I woke up and realized it was all in my imagination and that my day is still crappy. The end.

Seems I owe some people a lap dance… You’ll have to settle for a pole, at least until I can get you all properly liquored up. Then it’s lap dance and body shot time! *insert dancing banana here*

Jim, the force is strong with you.

Did all your adolescent fantasies just come rushing back to you? Good. Work with that.

I actually saw gold bikini’s for sale at the mall last week. They were hanging up with metallic magenta bikinis. I was in a department store. I mean, for the love of… I just do not understand anyone who would willingly buy one of those and wear it to the beach. Costumes? Sure! Sexual fantasy fulfillment? I’m all in. Everything else? Pass.

Thinking about….

…. A blogger road trip? FUCK TO THE YEA. We would need someone with good map reading skillz, shot glasses, preferably someone with, or who can drive an RV, fishing poles, a stripper pole, lots of advil, passports (Canada, just in case duh), and a map of any and all available liquor stores in the USofA. Get a move on people, start pooling your resources.

…food. I’m freakin hungry. And I want to read Breaking Dawn. Badly.

…this being pretty fucking hilarious… and spot on:

…how I will be going to a family BBQ on Sunday, and every single person will ask me where he is, how he’s doing, just like my mom did last night. I couldn’t bare to tell her the truth and I don’t know if I will be able to tell the family either. Not yet. Not for my reasons.

… how much I hate to feel weak. Like I fucked up another relationship, when I know it really wasn’t my fault. Sure, I can spin it so that he looks bad, but part of me knows that he doesn’t deserve to be disrespected like that. My family wont push me or judge me, but they will talk about me when I leave. That’s just the way we roll. Dysfunctional, remember?

…how I feel a little bit sad right about now.

… chocolate.

… and my . 

… how now, I don’t feel so sad because my heart is smiling again. Froggies do that, dontcha know? Especially when one becomes a prince.

…the right way to end this post.

*shrug*

I realized something last week.

I talk way to damn much. When I think I have something interesting to say, I talk. And talk. And talk, talk, talk, and I don’t let the people with me get a word in. I sit down with a friend and the flood gates open. Especially if the person doesn’t really know me.

You know there are friends who you are getting to know and then there are friends who know you? They know all your bullshit so you really just kick back and talk about the weather? (ok not really the weather per say, but you know what I mean) Well I really realized I had this problem. Because I kept sitting there, word vomit flowing from my mouth, my brain screaming at me to SHUT UP ALREADY, and I couldn’t stop. There were times when I was out of breath!

Add alcohol to the equation??

I sat, in a crowded, small space, and yelled (or so I was told) “I’m dysfunctional!!”. It sounded like a whisper to me, I swear. Of course this was only after  I had just described my family. Both sides. Explaining the complexity of my family, both sides!, all at once made me realize that I am dysfunctional. And I felt the need to supposedly scream that out. It doesn’t help to be in the company of an intimidatingly good looking, smart, way out of my league, person. The combination of that, alcohol, and nicotine (which, HELLO head rush) is what must have caused me to become so obnoxious.

I do it online too. Instant messages, plurk, whatever. I respond and respond and dont stop and then its just silence. Oh shit, I bored them all to death. Am no longer cute and witty, but annoying.

Maybe its nerves. Or maybe I am really just THAT socially challenged. Damn you, never ending awkward phase!!!