I sat here for 4 hours trying to write for today.

I did write, I did publish, but I just took it down.

In the last post, I said that fear wasn’t going to hold me back. But I suppose it is.

The funniest thing is that the words I wrote, I can easily share but *I* am not ready to see them. Does that make sense?

Some things are just too special to risk, even with a teeny tiny bit of something that could be taken the wrong way. Because in my fucked up mess of a head, it would be.

Maybe you’ll see it one day. When I’m more sure of myself.

So there.

Today. What a day.

Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate, without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldnt fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change, so do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it’s comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you are very lucky, a plane ride away.

-SATC, Season 4 “I Heart NY”

People think I”m crazy for driving hours to sit with a friend who’s had a rough day, or to spend time with people I love, just because they need someone to listen. I think that makes me blessed to know that the people I love can not only count on me, but I can count on them too.

Are you that lucky?

I hope so.

The only chat application I ever really use is gmail chat. I have the application on my phone so it’s like if I need it, I have access to my girls whenever I need them. It’s been useful in certain situations, trust me. I have all the other applications, I just never really use them. The only time I get on yahoo is to have 3 ways with hot chicks.

And that is exactly what I was doing tonight when another chat box popped up. Inside that little box was my brother. What’s that? You thought I was an only child? Oh yea, I still am (as far as I know… family history and all that. Heh.). No, Jer is one of two of  the closest people to me that I’m not related to, that I consider to be like a brother to me. The other is our friend Matt, who I’ve known almost as long. But Matt’s another post for another day.

We’ve been friends since we were 8 years old. He is my oldest friend.

He was my first crush. He had a mullet. Obviously, my tastes hadn’t quite developed yet. He lived right up the street from me growing up and I spent a lot of time at his house. Sleepovers, meals, we even had a club house there. We rode bikes, played basketball, had pine cone wars, and pretty much ruled the block all day long.

He made my childhood out to be what it was. Fantastic.

It wasn’t until high school that we went to school together for the first time. Between him and Matt and some of the other guys we spent time with, changing schools between 8th and 9th grade was easier. We were close all throughout high school.

After, he went off to the military and I went off to get knocked up. It was insanely hard to maintain any kind of relationship outside of my marriage for many reasons. He was sent to Iraq and is there now for the 3rd time. He’s also married, and has a one year old son who, as he tells it, is already trouble. Which is understandable if you knew him.

I feel so blessed tonight, to know that even though its been about 4 years since we’ve talked, we can still connect. He crosses my mind frequently, as does his new family. I’m happy to know that he is safe and happy makes me happy.

How old is your oldest relationship?

Aren’t you glad you came here today?

POW.

Courtesy of my good friend Huck, I am pulling the card. It’s just one of those days. Saturday Street Fair will return next week lovelies. *muah*

Two very lovely ladies of mine, HuckDoll and Red Lotus Mama are inspiring people. Inspiring people to think about the simple things in life that make us happy. It’s so basic, and so easy that we really should be embracing this. So here I go.

• My little guy. He makes me NUTS daily, but damn how I love to see that kid smile and laugh. Such innocent pure joy. I want to bottle it up.
• My iPod. Well, we have a love/hate relationship. She likes to torture me sometimes and play some stuff that I don’t need to hear at certain times. Plus she’s a man stealer. But I love her.
• My Crackberry. Oh gawd. My addictions are fed DAILY with this thing. I can’t even begin to explain. Yea sure, sometimes there are glitches (bah) but 99% of the time, its ALL good.
• The way the day feels between 9 and 10 in the morning. It’s just crispy and light and so easy to breathe in.
• Photography. Mine, yours, every ones. Which is why I was compelled to start Just One Look.
• Sweaters. I have some kick ass sweaters this season and I love them. I love being warm and cuddly.
• Which brings me to my blanket. Oh how I love my blanket. It belonged to my grandma and I’ve had some excellent times under this blanket. (Believe it or not, that’s NOT just meant to be dirty)
• Frogs. I’m all about frogs right now. They make me smile like you wouldn’t believe. I dont think I’ve ever been attached to a certain animal before but I am now. I’m looking for one that turns into a Prince.
• Good smells. There is just something about good smells that make me happy.
• You. All of you. Your kind words and friendships have meant so much to me. You get me through some dark times. You bail me out when I am in desperate need of help. You make me laugh and smile and gasp in so many good ways. Thank you. Thank you for being such a simple pleasure in my life.

You should do this. Really. Go to Red Lotus Mama’s and leave your link here. Oh and share some of your own if you dont want to blog about it!

If I had my own world
I’d love it for all that’s inside it
There’d be no more wars, death or riots
There’d be no more police, packed parking lots,
Guns, bombs sounding off

November 4th marks an epic day in the history of our country. I cannot remember an election that has meant more to me personally than this one. I feel that our country is in such a rut, that any change will be good for us.

I don’t talk about politics here. I’m voting for Obama which, given my personality, I would assume would have been obvious. I have my reasons, as does every person who will be visiting the polls tomorrow does. I don’t think I need to get into them here and I’m just far too busy to start a war with any Rebulicans right now. I’m not all hatin’ on McCain supporters and I’m not in the business of changing anyone’s mind. I mean, its too late for that now. I just hope that when you do go vote tomorrow, you believe 100% that your choice is the right one. That’s enough for me.

I believe in Obama. I believe that he can help this country in ways we cant even imagine yet. I’m very hopeful for change, hopeful for a better time. I have to be. This life is not just about me anymore. My son deserves a better country than what we have now. I cant give him that. But I can help us get there by voting.

If I had my own world
I’d show you the life that’s inside it
The way that it glows when you find it
The way it survives with it’s families,
Friends or it’s enemies

Let me feel you, carry you higher
Watch our words spread hope like fire
Secret crowds rise up and gather
Hear your voices sing back louder

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKCX_Mi0unI]

*This song to me describes the hope that Obama gives me. I hope you enjoy it. And happy voting!

I don’t cook often, but when I do, I take pictures of it.

On the Menu: Drumsticks and Mac and Cheese (I’m all about nutrition here)

Getting started:

Kid’s got his juice, and mommy has hers.

The chicken needs to be baked with something on it right? *shrug*

I’ll just melt this butter here…. what about spices?

I dont know what any of these are. Can you tell they aren’t used in this house?

Melted butter and Lawry’s Seasoning Salt. Shit goes with everything.

Pour mixture on chicken.

Do not ask me why that bottom drumstick looks like it has a vagina on it. A really awful vagina. Vagina chicken.

Cook. 30 minutes @ 400 degrees. 30 minutes? Nice…

Break time!

Yes, I was lighting my smokes with that.

Break time is over (boo) and its time to make the box Mac N Cheese.

I cant make this stuff with my eyes closed.

Chicken time!

Oh yea, I made that potholder. Potholder WIN.

Should we use these to eat? Authentic WIN.

Presentation:

JD? Goood.
Mac N Cheese? Goooood.
Chicken? Is it supposed to be pink inside?

And this has been… cooking with Miss.

I don’t know what happened. Usually I can cook chicken. I guess that if you don’t cook for a while, it shows. Jim, ZJ… sorry if I made you guys cry a little bit. I told you both that I suck at cooking.

I really hate this filler post that wordpress just decided to put in. As of now, this blog is not ready. All I have is the name and the pretty header. I need to move some stuff from the old blog here, stuff I’m actually proud I wrote, or things that made me laugh. So yea.

Be patient. For me?

Since someonein the blogosphere, I wont say who, has essentially guilt tripped me into blogging, here goes.

I’m kinda glad that she did, because I have been meaning to blog, I just have had no motivation to do so. I’m still struggling, just writing this post. I started it yesterday for cripes sake.

Moving on…

Being that I have been at my J.O.B. for almost a year, I figured by now that things would have calmed down. But I was wrong. My mortal enemy has only gotten braver and worse. She has been driving me to a point where the things she makes me think, make me not like myself very much. She brings out the absolute worst in me.

This is just an example of the shit that she does to piss me off and why I think she does them:

• She hums. Not an actual song, just incessant humming. In my direction. When she walks by me, when I drop something off at her desk, she hums at me. She does this because I play my radio at my desk and sometimes sing along. I don’t sound hideous and get compliments on my voice. This makes her very angry.
• She talks on her cell phone all day and just so happens to be talking shit about me. In Spanish. She thinks I don’t understand her. Bitch, I may be half, but the half of me that is Mexican, will beat the fuck out of you.
• She just HAD to go Go-Cart Racing. Alone. “To check it out for her church group”. She’s jealous because a bunch of us went from work during lunch and she wasn’t invited. Now she wont stop talking about how much fun she had. Alone. Also, I hung up my results from my laps, she had to do the same. FYI, some of the guys went today and didn’t invite me because they didn’t want her to overhear them and tag along. I said next time, EMAIL ME. Shit.
• Bitch went out and conned her doc into giving her a handicap placard. Now she parks RIGHT IN FRONT of the office. The rest of us have to walk. FAR. She has “circulatory problems” that give her blood clots. I know she’s got problems, but this is just another cry for attention. In this week alone, she has told the story of why she has the placard 15 times. I’m counting. She complains that she is sick of everyone asking her, but her explanation turns into a 30 minute story for anyone unfortunate enough to ask.
• She walks by my desk and she stifles a laugh. She does it when I walk by her too. She does this because she is petty and immature and a bitch. Laughing at me?? Oh now THAT is a good one. Bitch must not own a mirror.
• She hung up a schedule for a minor league baseball team in her cube. She did this for two reasons. One is that she hates that all the guys come talk baseball with me. I’m the token Dodger fan of the office. I know my shit. This makes her mad. Second reason? I have the Dodger schedule hanging in my cube. She’s reaching for attention with this one.
• The typing! Oh lord. She prints, practices, and memorizes online typing tests so that she can get 100% and hang up the results. She got mad because a couple people, including our boss, always mention that I type fast. When I get going, I get going. She has to cheat her way through a typing test in the hopes of getting a compliment.

You know, if she just ignored me like I do her, we would be fine. Perfect. But she doesn’t. She just goes on and on and on all day. Just 15 minuts ago she was talking shit about me taking an hour lunch to go racing. Bitch doesn’t know that I worked late just to do that because I only get a half hour lunch. She talked shit yesterday about my breaks and how she never gets them. She can go. No one is stopping her. I just asume that her 20 minute phone conversations every hour on the hour would count towards some kind of break. She isn’t working. She cant multitask for shit.

Gah! I am so over her. I have asked to be moved away from her, otherwise I’ll go off. And make her cry. And look like the big bitch of the office.

I am a big bitch. Just not in the office. But if she keeps this up, Ima have to take my earrings off and pull my hair into a bun, if you get my drift.

Thats how we roll.